A Letter to our Adoption Lawyer

After last summer’s ordeal, we have not progressed in fertility efforts, so we have decided to begin the adoption process. What follows is a letter to a lawyer with whom we met in January:

Dear Ms. ...:

This letter is a much-belated follow-up to our meeting in January. Kay and I meant to write you shortly thereafter, but the school year took over and we got busied in those concerns. Now that we have some time off around Easter, we wanted to sum up the things we discussed with you and ask you a few questions for clarification. I would appreciate if you are able to answer the questions and correct any misapprehensions I might have.

As a first step, you suggested we get licensed with DCFS, not necessarily as a way of taking in foster children, but because many of the agencies require that prospective parents be vetted with them. I have looked over their website, and from what I can see, it seems I have to call them to begin this process. There doesn't seem to be a way to do it online. I plan to call them on Monday.

Second, you said the next step is to figure out our path. As I remember you suggested four choices, with the following commentary:

DCFS: this would be true foster-parenting, with the problem that the children we take in would not necessarily be up for adoption, and even those who were could at some point be removed from our care. I believe you said also that there is a wide range of ages and conditions of the children that one cares for as a foster parent.

Charitable Sectarian Organizations: You mentioned that Catholic Charities, Lutheran Family Services, and the Jewish Children’s Bureau all offer adoption services on a non-sectarian basis. I do believe you mentioned that the children available from these groups are more likely to have health problems, though I don’t remember for certain.

Adoption Agencies: The Cradle, and others, offer adoption services. Some of these specialize in the U.S., others in foreign adoptions, and others offer both. The quality of these is varying. You suggested that we interview a number of them to figure out which fits our needs the most.

Private Ads: You suggested we could also place advertisements in newspapers looking for a private adoption. You said that you would be willing to serve as a go-between, setting up meetings between us and the prospective parents, using your experience to vet them.

I assume that pursuing more than one of these avenues is fine, with cost being the limit, correct?

Third, you have said that we need to figure out our own requirements. As I remember, there are at least three questions:

Age: we said we would like to adopt an infant.

Sex: we are open to either; I would guess, especially with foreign adoptions, that girls are more likely.

Open or Closed: probably the biggest question. Your opinion on which we should choose was that it simply depended on our own preferences. We expressed an bias towards closed adoptions, but are definitely willing to consider open adoptions, especially because, as you noted, being open to either kind obviously increases our options.

Fourth, you said we would want to put together an album showcasing ourselves as adoptive parents.

A few questions that we have are these:

•Do you have a list of agencies that you would recommend we start with? Part of what we are looking for is advice in this area. Rather than searching and interviewing at random, we hope your experience can give us a few starting points, so that our interviews can then be a more subjective exercise of deciding whether we are personally comfortable with the agency in question.

•Are there any books, websites, or support groups you suggest we read or join as a way of understanding this process better?

•Where might we get some guidance for putting together an adoption album or an newspaper advertisement? Would you also be able to recommend publications or websites on which to post these ads?

Thank you so much for any advice you can give. The meeting we had with you was very helpful in orienting us. We will be pursuing this process more consistently from now on, especially as the school year comes to a close, and I will make sure to keep you up to date as we make progress.

Sincerely, ...